done.

"She’s allergic to bees….If I’m not praying she’ll get married again, I’m praying she’ll get herself stung to death by a swarm of fucking bees."
--Raymond Carver, "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love"

so i took my kids on a field trip today. i was one of three chaperones--well four really if you count the skank--for all of 12 teenagers. my presence was completely unecessary, but i went anyway. i really should've stayed behind. but what can i do about it now? nothing. it's done.

we rode down in a yellow school bus. it was raining all day and the window for the seat in front of me kept slipping down. i kept having to get up to shut it because i was getting wet. eventually i just stopped getting up. i didn't even think to switch seats until this very moment. that seems so fucking obvious right now. oh well. so i got wet. big deal. i dried.

we went to the federal courthouse and saw lots of official looking people. it was educational. overall, a good field trip as far as field trips are intended to be. in theory there should've been some kind of assignment or assessment, but the kids are all seniors anyway. it doesn't make much of a difference now, you know.

on the way back we stopped at this oversized mall that really looks and feels like a parking garage, just with neon lights and merchandise. it's a horrible place but it had a food court, so we went. we had some time to kill because the presentations at the courthouse didn't go as long as we thought they'd go. kids like malls. there was that too. as we spilled off the bus, i stood at my seat to be the last one off, being a chaperone and all. i told the students to make sure they bought me lots of Christmas presents. i probably shouldn't have said that. one of them ended up telling me he was going to buy me a diamond ring. he actually went into the store, told me they'd give him a discount. the proposal was on the bus a few hours later. he was only kidding, but still. i guess i didn't see that one coming. i kinda smirked and ignored him. one of the other chaperones laughed loudly. i don't think we handled it very well at all. sometimes i think i'm a horrible teacher.

on the ride back i sat next to another chaperone. i didn't have to sit next to him. there were enough seats for each of us to have our own green vinyl bench. but all the other chaperones were up front so i went too. he was really tall and the whole arrangement was awkward because his legs took up most of the leg room. but i guess it wasn't really an issue. he's attractive and i don't mind bodily contact. he flirts with me a lot too. i probably shouldn't have sat next to him but i did. nothing i can do about that now. he started all that crap anyway. i wasn't asking for it. not like that skank has been. he tried talking to me but i have trouble carrying a conversation with him. i get fidgety and awkward. oh, and really self conscious. usually i'll just try to say something funny. i know i shouldn't behave that way, but i do. i think it's how i've always been. it's too late to go back on that now.