taptaptaptaptap

my leg is bouncing. i'm starting to go crazy. well, you know what i mean.

this is what a girl does when she waits for your call:

1. she remembers every last detail of your most recent encounter. and then when that is exhausted, she goes to the one before. and if there's more than two encounters for her to reflect upon, and you are making her wait for a phone call, then she's already hating you.

2. she's the most productive she's ever been at work. she goes to the gym and does at least one hour of cardio just to pass the time. it also helps her to know that she's fucking hot and if you don't call her, then she's still a hot fucking chick who can rock it out career-style and then kick major spinning ass at the gym. AND she'll still smell good.

3. she's calling every other person she knows other than you. if they call her back, she'll probably talk about you briefly, but not too much. friends have a tolerance limit for such things. if she's lucky, one of these friends will be willing to go out for coffee, knowing full well that this will only lead to full divulgence of her anxieties about your delayed dial.

4. she will come up with about three reasons why it's feasible that you haven't yet called. when those have lingered in her brain for a few hours, at most, she'll think of at least 10 reasons why you should have already.

5. she'll think of what she'll say when you call. she'll even launch into a fabricated internal conversation during which she also imagines what you'll say in response to what she says when you call.

6. she'll end up eating lots of cookies with her mom, who will say really sweet things that she desperately needs to hear as her emotional waves near high tide.

7. she'll watch Seinfeld until she remembers that you both love the show, which will lead back to a brief revisit of #1.

8. she'll check her email. read blogs. watch that video clip her friend posted on a message board, the one she couldn't see earilier in the day because her government job has a really good Internet filter.

9. she'll do her bills and remember all the important nuts and bolts of her household that need attention. she'll remember that her car is making a fairly loud grinding noise and that her front right wheel might fall off, and isn't it such a fucking bitch that she missed the warranty coverage by a few fucking miles.

10. she'll pout. then she'll be flippant. then she'll almost cry. then she'll call a male friend. or maybe she'll just text him instead.

11. she'll google you.

12. she'll look at the clock and thank the good lord that it's finally a socially acceptable time to go to sleep, happy that this day of waiting is over, you selfish, arrogant asshole. (and she'll fall asleep trying to remember exactly what you look like.)