but i'm your sister

i'm really worried about my brother. i've always understood that he's been a social outcast, first unwillingly, and later, on his own accord. only over the past few years have i really tried to know him. and i'll keep trying, but now i wonder if it's too late. he's learned to stay away from the edge of the yard even when i'm in the street pleading for him to come.

he gets upset over unimportant things; the kind of upset that brings tears and choked words. and over things like a miscommunication over watching a movie. there's yelling when there doesn't need to be. sighs and dirty looks when there shouldn't. i'm not sure how to help stop this.

a few weeks ago, we were at a wedding. the garter toss was being announced and i tried to get him to go up. he's not the type to do that, but i was drunk and i wanted him to. i hit him in the arm, first lightly, then quite hard. he stormed out of the reception hall. i apologized later, but it was a stubborn, hostile apology. he only nodded his head.

today, i tried to talk to him. i walked into his bedroom. the air was stagnant and his furniture was too far away from his walls. this bothered me. it was too bright for such a small space. i stared at a mirror on the far wall as he folded and refolded piles of clothing.

it's nothing that i want to talk about now.

but you always say that. you never want to talk about it.

i know. this was followed by an eerie smile.

things can't get better if you don't talk about them.

yeah, but they can get worse.

then i went for the guilt factor.

i'm not sure why you don't feel like you can talk to me.

well, there are few people that i actually talk to, so what difference does it make?

but...i'm your sister.

i really do love him, but he doesn't know it.