friends, countrymen...lend me your ear

i'm sure you're all wondering why i've gathered you here this evening.

well, the truth is that there is a special horizon before us. this is a time when we must take our American-given right to speak loudly, clearly, and as often as possible via touch-tone phone or text messaging.

but before i get into that, i want to take just a moment to reflect upon what it means to live in this great country...

ever since i was a little girl, i looked to the sky and dreamt of what the future might hold for me. i was born into a simple world, one devoid of many materialistic things.

but as i grew, the flag of our great nation would flap in the winds of change, reminding me that there is always tomorrow--that, here, in The United States of America, dreams really can come true.

please. hold your applause...
...yes, here...pass a Kleenex to that young man in uniform, would you?

now, friends, family, co-workers, fellow citizens. let us remember this glorious country at a time when it needs us most. i can hear the canyons echo, the mighty eagle screech, the oceans whisper, the dolphins making that weird sound they make, the forests calling, and the birds chirping:

use your voice! use the tool that you have been blessed with in your great country! rise up! show the nation that we will not be melded into one homogenous mass of celebrity! we are individuals! we have touchtone phones!

and we vote BO as our next American Idol!



shit, no...this Bo:

this is your moment to shine. may god (God, G-D, goddess, etc) bless you, Bo, the United States of America, and no place else.