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Wednesday, July 27, 2005

on driving, violence & drifters

i spent a lot of time driving yesterday, which has prompted me to discuss a few things about drivers and their automobiles--habits of the road in general. and i'm not just referring to the fact that nobody on the fucking planet seems to have passed driver's ed (well, except for me and you...and that chick from college. man, she sure knew how to handle a stick.).

no, no. i'm referring to people driving very fancy cars--more specifically, those people who clearly should not be allowed to even ride in one.

i was getting off an exit, waiting for the BMW in front of me to merge into traffic, when i noticed a few things.

one: it was silver. do they make that frigging car in any other color for christ's sake? i'm thinking it must be cheaper in silver. or maybe it's a knockoff from Canal Street.

secondly, the dude had a busted tail light. sure, shit happens and people are busy. but when said shit transpires and you have little time to spare in your busy BMW-driving world, do you then go to the automotive supply store to buy that red masking tape shit that never sticks for more than a week in an effort to repair the busted plastic? well, if you drive this silver BMW, you do.

and to top it ALL off, you are a big fan of those little tree air fresheners. and by "fan" i mean that you dangle at least one from your rearview mirror at all times, with the plastic baggie still attached, allowing the vanillaroma-goodness to seep proportionately into your leather interior. and when that one is kicked, you get another one, in a clashing color--probably blue, and hang it alongside of your previous tree. maybe those are your school colors and you can't get past your high school glory days. maybe the combination is a odor you just can't get anywhere else. or maybe you're just a fucking douchebag and you should move to Maryland.

you're not fooling me, mr silver, air-freshened, busted-light BMW driver. do the world a favor and merge into this approaching Mack truck, k?


moments after my BMW episode, after i had successfully merged off my exit ramp, across another highway's entrance ramp, and around a lost driver, i came upon a curious sight. alongside this treacherous roadway was a group of individuals, walking.

everyone has seen this now and again. sure. you run out of gas. your car breaks down. you're running away from a zombie in some horror flick. and, inevitably, you must walk where you typically would not.

however, this was a herd of people. i did a double-take in an effort to count them. there were at least twenty. i'm not exaggerating. 20 people of varying ages walking alongside a major highway. surely this was illegal. but beyond that, what the hell were they doing?! i was tempted to swing around and inquire about their destination, but i was on a tight schedule.

and quite frankly, i was a bit scared. there wasn't much explanation for their presence aside from them having just emerged from the woods, a secret access point to their tribal village...underground, even. i'm sure they were savages. savages about to wreak havoc on modern society in some sort of defiant, violent protest.

i should have at least pointed them toward the silver BMW.


At 7/27/2005 10:26:00 PM, Anonymous Daniel said...

Did you check to see if THEY were zombies?

At 7/28/2005 03:54:00 PM, Blogger kristine said...

i most certainly did not. i was terrified. there were just too many. i mean, i can kick some ass, but not the ass of 20 blood-and-brain-thirsty zombies.

At 7/29/2005 05:48:00 PM, Anonymous Smoove D said...

Down here in the Dirty South, everyone drives. People walking anywere are pretty much bad news.


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