i don't look like lisa loeb: my proof in 5 steps

i know i'm hot. let's just get that out of the way.

this post is in no way to be construed as an attempt to recieve praises and compliments from strangers. in fact, i hate compliments. unless they are coming from myself. (see first sentence.)

now, having established my hoTTT factor, i do have to carry around a specific burden throughout my everyday life. in fact, you just may be experiencing the same burden if you meet the following criteria:

1. you wear plastic-framed glasses.
2. you are a female.
3. you have brownish hair.

i would wager a large amount of money, drugs, or sexual favors that if you, in fact, satisfy those three prerequisites, you have likely encountered my grief.

"You know who you look like?! You look like LISA LOEB!"

now, this, in and of itself, does not have to be an insult. in fact, Lisa Loeb is quite striking (or so i've been told by several men). my problem does not lie with being compared to a somewhat attractive pop-folk-bubblegum singer/songwriter that will forever launch the lyrics youuuu saayyyy into my head at her very metion.

my problem is that i actually look nothing like this woman. don't believe me? please refer to diagram #1:


Diagram #1: Kristine



please note the following marked points:
A. smile/mouth
B. nose
C. forehead
D. glasses
E. chin

Diagram #2: Lisa



again, note the same marked points:
A. smile/mouth
B. nose
C. forehead
D. glasses
E. chin

in the spirit of simplicity, we'll go in alphabetical order.

A--notice how my mouth curves slightly upward when smiling. now notice how lisa is more of a straight-smiler. we also have different teeth. apparently she was privileged enough to experience an orthodontist's office as a child.

B--again, lisa's nose is somehwhat wider than mine. in fact, mine is down-right beak-like in comparison! one would be clearly blind to suggest they are in any way similar! perposterous!

C--now, this section is difficult because lisa has bangs and i do not. however, i would wager that behind those wispy strands is the home of a much smaller forehead, unlike my expansive one.

D--THE GLASSES. now, this is where people tend to reassure me that i do, in fact, look like lisa loeb. "but you have the glasses!" well, my friend, as you can see here, our glasses are quite different. so, you're wrong. you have a poor visual memory and you should rely on other cognitive devices to recall important information.

E--this is probably the most subtle of our differences, but it does round off the inequity. lisa's chin is slightly more square, whereas mine is a bit more rounded. it's true! take a closer look! see?

so, there we have it. i actually don't look like lisa loeb. so please stop suggesting that i do. it's only making you appear very dumb.

in fact, according to a very scientific celebrity-look-alike computer software, i look more similar to the likes of Anna Kornikova, Amelia Vega, and Sophie Marceau