interview with a rockstar

it's been entirely too long since i've posted something substantial. and i actually attempted to earlier this evening, but then a bill collector called and i got all responsible for a while with my financial matters.

but now i'm back to sitting here thinking about how i should be writing. i could outline the drama that has now come full circle at work, but it would cause me to do too much introspecting. and let's be honest: no good is gonna come out of that!

so instead, i'm going to share the questions that i've developed to use in an interview with Brian Pearl. he's a musician in the band matt pond PA. i have never done an interview before, and was even more bumbling when i actually hung out with this dude on once occasion so i tried to mask my deficiencies with humor. try to pretend there are some really witty responses following each of these questions--responses that were triggered by my own cleverness.

*****

So, I met him through Friendster (which I realize is so passe, but I'm sorry; I just cannot get into Myspace). I think the premise was that I thought he was hot--even before the rockstar factor! After weeks of flirty emails and Instant Messaging, we met face-to-face at one of the several NYC Pixies dates, gulping down several beers at a dive bar rather than suffer through the Le Tigre, who was opening that particular night. I was very nervous walking in to meet him because I was really self-conscious about the size of my puffy jacket. However, he'd voiced great concern about me finding street parking rather than paying at a lot during our conversations leading up to this first encounter, and the fact that I had managed to do so was something to brag about. At least I had an ice breaker. If that failed, I'd simply bail out by mocking my own jacket. But here I am talking about myself already when this really is all about Brian Pearl of matt pond PA. After some more prominent media attention with appearances on The Carson Daly Show and spots on Fox's The O.C., I still wasn't surprised to learn that this modest guitarist agreed to give me a bit of his time for this incredibly professional interview as he is on tour in Hartford, CT. I promised him that the questions would not be boring or tedious, so don't expect to learn anything too profound about this musician other than his sentiments on random things that amuse me.

So, what's it like being a rockstar? You guys have been creeping into the spotlight lately. I even saw you on some featured iTunes mix!

What are the best and worst things about being on tour? And, most importantly, have you signed any women's breasts?

Who, in the music industry, do you look up to?

How about outside the industry?

Where would you like to see the band in five years?

So your new album is in the works; what can your fans expect on this latest release? What were some of your inspirations, motivations, and good vibrations for its creation?

Is there a tentative release date?

Any funny or fantastic stories of events during the recording process?

Who do you think would win in a fight: Anne Coulter or Ellen DeGeneres?

Is it true that you are the real reason behind the Pitt/Aniston split?

Describe a typical day in the life of Brian Pearl of matt pond PA.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

East Coast or West Coast?

What are some of the bands you're listening to right....now!

Who are your top 5 favorite bands at the moment?

I have some embarrassing photos of your sweaty armpits. Will you be angry and/or sue me when I release them to the general public after you're rich and desired by the finest women in the land?

Be honest; no one important will read this interview. Does Hartford really suck?

Do you enjoy the smell of Windex?

Did you feel as awkward as I did as you half-walked me to my car after the Pixies show?

Were you satisfied with this interview? (Please respond via Friendster testimonial.)