leave your glasses on

i've been feeling philosphical lately, yet i've noticed that i'm not quite intelligent to come up with anything outstanding to philosophize about. instead, i rummaged through my old emails and found a theory by my dear friend, G. so i'm going to present it to you, verbatim, for your reading pleasure. i have not edited anything (and mind you, she's even more in love with the semi-colon than i am) but keep in mind that this was an informal email, wouldjya? thanks. oh, and being the self-l0ver that i am, i had to comment because i think i'm hilarious. my sidebar is italicized.

(12.10.04)

So recently I had to go to this party...a theme party where you had to come dressed either as a goth or a visigoth (aka viking). [i'd immediately be annoyed. they'd have had to define that latter term for me, thus creating a sense of inadequacy that no party could reverse] The party was thrown by a girl i worked with who is pretty fuckin' awesome; she's an anarchist and she protests and lives in a co-op house where they make all their food from scrap and sew stuff and well, i think they are all bisexual and don't believe in monogomy...there's the background...it's a cool place...not REALLY my thing since well, i'm lazy and cooking and sewing always sounds good...being vegan does NOT sound good.. by the way...and bisexuality seems to have its perks i guess...i mean if you walk in a room..EVERYONE is game...crazy right? I just happen to really like guys and the thought of another woman's vagina really kinda skeeves me out [yeah, i'll second that one]...although I do appreciate the beauty of a woman...[whatever you blazing metrosexual]
So these anarchists always throw parties...like Fuckcore [uhhh...? so, umm...do you hyphenate that word?] or weird anarchist stuff where guys are wearing skirts and all the girls have underarm hair and smell like body odor...I go to them; there's good music and "E" [name changed by me for the day she realizes how embarrassingly freaky she was as a young woman] is awesome. Plus they remind me of freshman year on Draper Street at those crazy cross-dressing parties...remember...[yeah, i clearly remember. there was that boy that we were convinced looked better as a woman. for serious.]
Ok, back to the story...so i go to this party...T and I write on our t-shirts "I'm with Goth" with an arrow and on the other one "I'm with Visigoth" The shirts are hot pink and every single person there is in black..oh well...it was kind of a cop out but whatever..everyone loves it we think...anyway...i start talking to a guy (who E has been fucking, which is okay with her boyfriend) He's all done up goth-like and it turns out he lived in Newburgh once...and he's all like "HOLY SHIT that is absolutely the craziest place i've ever been. I've been shot at there. People stab their friends there for fun. You can buy any and every drug there." and i'm all like "Hell Yeah! Newburgh Pride!" and he's all like "Watch out for this chick she's gotta be tough..." Of course I'm like "Yeah!" I mean this is a guy that lived in Amsterdam...THE Amsterdam, not Amsterdam, NY, for a while and was a heroin addict (of course). I love Newburgh sometimes...Anyway, I felt more comfy after that, thinking "hey I'm from newburgh I can handle anything.."
Now...a few days later I'm talking to J about the party and stuff and he's amazed that we go to them. [more amazed that you don't invite him? oh wait, no. that's Boink parties. my bad!] He went once and felt so out of place and he was saying how many of his friends would never go to such a thing...losers is what i say...but anyway, I'm drinking a glass of wine as we're talking J says, "Hey you hold a glass of wine like you're really classy. You're really classy. You also hold a cigarette like you were born that way..."

Now here comes the theory [long build-up, i know, but don't even pretend like that wasn't the best prelude you've ever read!]...I believe that if you grew up in Newburgh you can pull off anything..it is almost like having gone to acting school...You can hang with anyone because you've just about seen it all and have probably been in some fucked up situations...right? Now having said that...I up my theory a notch...Glasses..the ones on your face, not the ones that hold liquid....the glasses are like a wild card...you can play Punk, Smart, SExy, Classy, Hip, Nerd, Emo, Bookworm...all because of this one accessory that really without you'd be walking into walls....

So between glasses and newburgh...we kind of have super powers...wouldya think? Don't let anyone in on the secret; they'll all be getting glasses! [shit. maybe i should've edited that part.]

On an unrelated or semi-related note....my friends band Scamper came out with a new kick-ass Cd and the title ..."Leave your glasses on" I love it...check them out at scamper.net. [i left that in because they really are quite fun, funny, and overall kickass. plus, the name of the album is slightly relative. not to mention completely biting off G's theory.]