tell me you agree

big, big decision to make, kiddos.

here are the two options:
1. go to see Bishop Allen at CBGBs with a very close friend and her man friend, who will have travelled from Boston to see this gig.
2. run a 5K with "the" co-worker and perhaps some students.

now, the decision seems strikingly clear, but allow me to talk my way through my thoughts...

i suppose here is where i have to tell you about how the drama has come full circle at work. i'll try to be concise, and in return, try not to think of me as a homewrecker.
apparently the wife has been reading his emails. his work emails. she figured out his password and checked his daily correspondance. it wasn't really an issue, as i had put a stop to the flirty emails quite some time ago. seriously, i did. and not because i didn't want the flirting, but because it was just too dangerous of a trail. in a way, however, it did tone down the things we should've been not doing in the first place. so things were going well, considering the near run-in with adultery that had happened about a month or so prior (is it possible to blame you, Jeremy? you totally stood me up! just kidding...).

in place of these emails came little comments that he would drop about how his wife was suspicious. now, there was nothing concrete that every really happened between myself and this very married man. yet, there was still stuff to suspect. hell, most of the building had been suspecting it before even he and i did. eventually, these comments began to show their aftershocks when he didn't join our academy's traditional birthday lunch. my birthday lunch. instead, he stayed behind, rummaged through my desk (god, he must have seen my slip in that drawer...very embarrassing) and watched my Family Guy DVD.

then he decided not to go to the annual Srping Fling. the reason there was obvious, but in the kind of way that no one would speak it. he simply couldn't arrive solo, nor could he very well bring his other half.

so when he was absent from work one Monday, things were kind of sticky, but completely OK. we were both dealing with this mess quietly. but then my other co-worker shared some information that made it very clear to me that things were getting beyond silly and had plunged into the unprofessional. perhaps this had happened long before i saw it, but at least i caught on. it always takes me too long to get angry--about things that matter.

so i sent him an email. it wasn't really too terrible of an email. it was about two lines long and it said, "I realize that our friendship is falling apart, but our professional relationship shouldn't." (yes, i capitalize in the workplace and take off points when my students do not.)

(i just realized that i'd forgotten to be concise. sorry.)

she intercepted the email. he'd called the classroom; a student handed me the phone.

jesus christ, this is getting riciculous.

yeah, i know. he was still jovial. i was running my hand through my hair, stressing. well, she may have sent you something in response, and i just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't read into it very much.

what?!

i read the email. she'd sent it from his work account. i guess it was the type of email i'd send to the other woman. i didn't respond. i was completely furious, but i did not respond. not because i felt bad for her, but because i wanted to win this. my maturity and self-control would surely get me the purse. the next day, however, i let my married co-worker know exactly how big of an ass he really is. i also cried a lot. i'm not the kind of girl to keep my mouth shut.

...and now i'm on Easter Break. the tide is retreating; but doesn't it always return?

so, i got into running because of him. i signed up for this fucking 5K for me, though dammit. i found out about it, have been working toward it, and was the one to share it with him. i thought it would be a nice "practice" for the 10K i've agreed to do in June. but now this mess. i'm trying to eliminate him as a friend. go for the complete opposite of what we'd been creating. i mean, none of this is fair. (yes, he started it. yes, i tried to stop it...kind of. but that doesn't work anymore; not when you're 26.) so to say it's not fair for me not to run is illogical.

but i know that if i don't go, i'll use it as a guilt card. i'd rather not do that either. but i have no fucking self control, people!

i think i should go see Bishop Allen. tell me you agree. sometimes i just need to hear it.