more on this later

i just returned from a lengthy field-trip. my eyes are heavy and i'm dehydrated. that happens when you travel. it was a trip i won't forget. it was me getting to know things about a few people i work with. it was me learning more about me, and how i seem to wedge myself against others.

(there are things i need to explore there...i promise to come back to that. i owe you and myself some detailed mapmaking--something to decipher my streak of vague writing and excessive parenthetical half-thoughts. i'm quieting my thoughts and my anger. i'm ready to talk about lakes and trees and placid loves. and i won't regress. it's new. it's restrained. it's crafted.)

oh, and there were the kids. my kids.
i learned, finally, definitely, that i am happy to be doing what i do. i want to be better.
i love my career. i love a youth that can study and stress in some strange hotel, knock on my door at 6am to see if i'd brought an extra pair of socks, bust ass for several hours in physical and mental competition, and then bust a move with that girl from Herkimer County at the dance later that night.

in these things, life is big.
(enough now. enough.)

i am thrilled to be here, right now.
here's that smile again.